Closed Doors.

I’ve been staring at my screen for a while before typing this post… I’m kinda speechless. I’m happy that I can just type it cause if I was telling this again I would be emotional.  I should feel happy cause it’s weekend, the weather is good but I’m not. I don’t normally do this but I feel like I want to share this with you guys. 

So for the past few months I’ve been working on my application to get admitted to the University of the Arts London. This is something that I’ve been willing to pursue for a very long time. When I was 18 I even said ”okay now might be too early but when I’m done with my bachelors I’ll move to London and go to a Fashion School.” The last few months were exciting yet a bit stressful cause I had a few assignments and paper work I had to get done for the application but during all of this, I enjoyed it. I’m 24, I know what I want and I’m confident than I was 5 years ago. I’m ready for a brand new adventure!

All the paper work was sent off and all I had to do was wait… I hate waiting but as for this I didn’t mind at all. The funny thing is I was so confident and very sure of my work and what I was talking about that I knew for sure that they will invite me for an interview. I was at work when I got an e-mail from the school that they wanted me to come over for an interview. I couldn’t stop smiling at the screen of my phone. I was soooo excited! Two weeks later I jumped on the train and was heading London town. During the next morning, I could feel my heart beating faster when I was on my way to the interview. I kept saying “Trudy you got this.’‘ I got there, the interview went alright. Not brilliant nor bad. I’m always analysing things afterwards like what I could have said better or I think about something that I forgot to say. Anyway, I didn’t want to stress myself too much cause I couldn’t rewind the time. What’s done was done. The part two of the wait (waiting if I got accepted or not) was kind off stressful. I wasn’t sure anymore. It could go either way but you know sometimes you hope for something sooo much you even get afraid you’ll jinx it. 

Today I was done with the waiting and I decided to call them. I dialled the number and the woman told me she was going to give me the final decision before the end of the day. Nerve racking! I avoided my phone a bit. I wanted to know but I didn’t want to at the same time. I saw the notification that I’ve received an email from the school. I opened it and the only words my eyes fell on were ” interest in the course though…” It was a part of a sentence but I already knew this wasn’t good. Why is there a ”though” in the sentence. I read the whole email and I felt like the door got shut right in front of me. I didn’t get in. Something that you wanted for so long. I told my friends and family who were also so supportive about all of this. It’s not happening. I’m not someone who cries a lot but I couldn’t help it this time. *Sigh* I’m happy to write it down though. If you read it all, thanks! Enjoy your weekend! x 

outfit behind a big door wearing a camel coat

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16 Comments

  1. 17th April 2015 / 9:32 pm

    Oh meis wat een teleurstelling, dat het je enorm raakt kan ik mij zo goed voorstellen. En ik hoop dat het iets wat verlichting mocht geven om het van jou af te schrijven. Je bent een hele sterke en mooie dame, er ligt vast een andere manier voor jou klaar zodat deze droom alsnog geplukt kan worden! Dat weet ik zeker. Heel veel liefs!

  2. Esther Imbula
    17th April 2015 / 9:37 pm

    Ohh I'm so sorry to hear about this. I know exactly how you feel, the stress, the travelling and the hard work put in only to be disapproved. I could feel a bit of tension while I was reading this hahah, because I could relate so much since myself I just came back from Amsterdam where I had an interview as well and I regret so many things. I feel like my interview didn't go so well and these days I'm just like fuck it. Either I am in or not (but hopefully in because I've been looking at this school for the past 3 years!). It sucks you didn't get into the school but maybe better opportunities are awaiting ahead so just keep your head high and keep on smiling. Lots of love. xo

    • 17th April 2015 / 11:17 pm

      Thanks so much for this comment Esther. I really hope you get in. Amsterdam is pretty cool hahaha. I hope I'll get over it soon and focus on the doors that are about to open! Thanks for the kind words xx

  3. 19th April 2015 / 3:15 pm

    I am so sorry! Ik had zo gehoopt dat het zou lukken, en het is je meer dan gegunt. Het voelt even slecht, dat mag best, even verdrietig zijn, maar niet te lang in die staat bijven. You rock, so after that, head up and on to your next adventure!!

    <3

  4. 19th April 2015 / 3:59 pm

    Now that sucks and you are right to be upset. You'd invested a lot professionally and emotionally into this so it's not something you can just brush off. Learn what you can from it and be more determined than ever to succeed πŸ™‚ x

  5. 20th April 2015 / 10:08 am

    Joh, wat ontzettend balen zeg! Maar ik geloof er heilig in dat dingen lopen zoals ze moeten lopen. En als er een deur dichtgaat, gaat er een andere open. Dus het komt vast allemaal goed! XO

  6. 20th April 2015 / 12:17 pm

    I'm sorry for what you've gone through. Although, I always believe that when one door closes on you, a window will open. From time to time, I go through this emotional roller coaster when I'm waiting for an answer that I wanted. My bf told me, it is my expectations. Come to think of it, it's true. Having hope and having an expectation is very different. If you've done your best, then there's no regrets. I'm sure better opportunities will come your way.

  7. 20th April 2015 / 12:36 pm

    Wow beautiful words! Thank you for sharing such a personal note! But never forget if a door closes another one opens xxx

  8. 21st April 2015 / 10:14 am

    Ooh wat een teleurstelling, ik kon het gewoon voelen op de manier hoe je het geschreven hebt. Ik hoop dat er misschien wat anders op het pad komt, dat de pijn zal verlichten! Heftig.. Xx

    http://www.esmeraldaattema.com

  9. 21st April 2015 / 10:17 am

    Thanks everyone for the warm, kind and sweet words all of you wrote down! I appreciate it with all my heart! xxxx

  10. 21st April 2015 / 10:35 am

    I love the quote you wrote in the beginning and I believe that too. It's just when you're in the moment you don't really understand why but time will make it all clear!

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